A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without
missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day,"
the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast
as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent
the kid on his way without a ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads 'low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge
is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are
backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands
on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver
says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!" A guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does
its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes
her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write
the exam with your other hand."